Life from my view

First things first- when someone dies it is "Sorry for your loss" Not LOST.... OK CARRY ON... Sept 23, my paw paw left me. He was my first date, my etiquette instructor, my listening ear and my biggest cheerleader. You paid me for my good grades even just this year in grad school. You taught me the importance of having a plan. I had to create a full proposal for you on what I would spend this much needed 600.00 on while in New York- I asked you provided.  You were very much so what I needed in this life. I lost Liz at the age of 13 and now you at the age of 28. I dealt with it a lot better this time around, but it still hurts. I wanted you to at least see me get married, but you can't live forever is what you told me. I will miss your presence in your spot on the couch, I am just thankful for the years that we got.  It was a combination of things that finally made you leave. The heart problems; you suffered through 5 heart attacks in my lifetime alone- 2 open heart ...

I feel like the past two weeks I have been in the twilight zone or some form of a purgatory if it really existed. I have been viewing my own life as an outsider- seeing myself in another light not filtered through Juno (my favorite IG filter lol) Come With Me (Hail Mary) lol and see a day in the life of me and my thoughts and my reality I love song references- I swear I can have a conversation in song- every three words remind me of a song... (my randomness) Grandparents- I love mine and my grandmother has both dementia and Alzheimer's- it hurts- she will one day leave me and I have to come to that slowly as her mind and spirit drift away. So lively she was always banging pots or at the mall shopping for us. Now her days waste away with her trying to remember what she thought she forgot to remember- but it is called life and each time I see her I am reminded of how short and brief it is. Married, children, homes, cars, accounts, church, friends, money, fun- what is it to her ...