Life from my view

First things first- when someone dies it is "Sorry for your loss" Not LOST.... OK CARRY ON... Sept 23, my paw paw left me. He was my first date, my etiquette instructor, my listening ear and my biggest cheerleader. You paid me for my good grades even just this year in grad school. You taught me the importance of having a plan. I had to create a full proposal for you on what I would spend this much needed 600.00 on while in New York- I asked you provided.  You were very much so what I needed in this life. I lost Liz at the age of 13 and now you at the age of 28. I dealt with it a lot better this time around, but it still hurts. I wanted you to at least see me get married, but you can't live forever is what you told me. I will miss your presence in your spot on the couch, I am just thankful for the years that we got.  It was a combination of things that finally made you leave. The heart problems; you suffered through 5 heart attacks in my lifetime alone- 2 open heart ...

My goodness! 2017 is upon us and I have been slacking on this blog thing. I have good reasoning for that though. Grad school, new job, new man just new life all together has been keeping me occupied and pressed for time. This year has been a great one! I set out on a journey, finished some projects, started some others and now I am ready for the next chapter in my life. Let us give me a hand clap for a 3.8GPA in grad school 12 credit hours down all A's..... got my mojo back. Trip wise- I went to the Grand Canyon, took my sister on her first plane ride and locomotive ride- check us out. I also went on my first cruise with the family- check us out- Carnival Freedom!!! Anddd.. Chantel's got a man at home (channeling my inner 90's song list) Chante Moore.... And he's so good to me!  That was unexpected-  The holidays this year have been blissfully wonderful. The entire family know...

I have wrote and deleted and wrote and deleted. It has been a while but I have been on my grind for work, school and cultivating a new relationship. Kind of in my feelings today. Not sure why. Loving my job, in a good place mentally, kind of stagnant physically but that is an ongoing process but all in all life as it is- is good. I am scared of the feelings. I am scared of falling off of the ledge again and being hurt. But the journey is so worth it. Falling in love is what life is about whether it is falling in love with a person or your lifes passion. Love is worth every text message, every argument, every fear, every laugh. I am in this new place and it is scary for me. I know what it is like to be in love and it be unrequited- but I have no clue what its like to be loved and be in love at the same time. It is new territory for me and the LOVE word- let me not. I am so afraid to use that loosely. His question to me- are you happy? I am so for now I will enjoy the journey and tr...

This new experience is so refreshing. To be on a journey to find God and he bless you with someone to share in that journey with you. Of course if you read any of my past post- you know that my last two relationships were not ideal but that they taught me a lot and forced me to take a long hard look at who I was and who I wanted to be and I have been on this self discovery journey sometimes a little low but always pulling through. This celibacy journey has really impacted my life in ways I never imagined and now to be the inspiration for those close to me to pursue celibacy and real relationships I am overjoyed and humbled. I am now leading others in the right direction just by living my life the way God wants me to. The peace of mind I have, clear focus- I did not know that I could be so interested in someone without sex....I always saw sex as the means to express my love to someone but its so much deeper than that. Until now- making the conscious decision to wait until...

It's been a while I know!! Just had a lot going on in July. Updates coming soon. However, I wanted to talk about this discovery I made in finding out that when it comes to dating- GUESS WHAT girls the guys are just as scared as we are!!! I did not fully realize though until this weekend. Backstory: I have a good friend  with whom I hang out with all the time. She has a God brother with whom she is really close with and she always tries to fix him up with people. So I would say the past 3 months- since her birthday in May- we all have been hanging really tight. Her birthday, his birthday, my birthday, family functions, summertime fun- just hanging. The attraction was there- conversations happened- laughs- grocery store runs and he even cooked for me (and my 8 visitors) at 3am... so I am like hey he kinda cute, showing interest etc. I am an awesome tease/flirt....its the afterwards actions and conversations that I fail out i.e the real relationship- but I digress. So I am showi...

There was a time when my best friend and I- just couldn't seem to see eye to eye. We chose our paths as separate as they were... but when we are together all of that.... what is it worth... So here is another poem I wrote long, long. long ago- to my best friend. It did not have a title.. but now I will create one.                                                                 Latitia Old and good friends share a piece of passion, pain and pleasure that no one else, not even family can begin to know or treasure. It's as if a secret room- held their private store And every time they met they escaped through a secret door. It doesn't matter if they speak each day or if years and years go by before they have much to say. The moment that they meet it is like magic happens It's all there- the moments, the tears, likes and...

So while cleaning out my infamous car trunk... I found an old tablet with a couple of poems I wrote for my Sabbath school class back in 2002. I had a little bit of skill..hope you enjoy.                                 Who Was There? When The Clouds Hang Low and You Can Hardly See The Road Just Thought You Should Know, God Is Always In Control If You Take The Time, time to realize... Who Who was there to wipe the tears away? Who was there when you didn't know your way? or what to say? Who told you to pray? Was it your family or your friends? Neither... you say? Then who was there? It Was He Who Sticks Closer Thank a Brother He Knows The Secrets hid deep in your heart If they still ponder upon who was there.... Be sure to tell them that it was he who died upon the cross Just to save those who should be lost. He, Jesus was there.                 ...

I know that I am about 2 weeks late... but I am working full time and pursuing a Master's so be patient! Miss USA 2016  is exponentially several degrees above awesome. Let us take a moment to discuss what makes her awesome. 1. She is Black- unapologetic. Most definitely oozing #BlackGirlMagic the definition of #BlackExcellence and that melanin is definitely popping. I wonder what color she wears> definitely not any shade that Neutorgena offers (No Shade) but not everyone has cool, orange or yellow undertones.... some of US have prominent red undertones!!! I digress.... Handclap to the makeup artist and creators out there that cater to ALL SHADES of BLACK. 2. Member of the US Army- Patriot and passionate about it. Some of my people are not the most supportive of African Americans fighting for a country that chose to enslave and continues to mentally enslave us as a people. My goodness! Cut the girl some slack- she has chosen to sacrifice her life for others- which is t...

I feel like the past two weeks I have been in the twilight zone or some form of a purgatory if it really existed. I have been viewing my own life as an outsider- seeing myself in another light not filtered through Juno (my favorite IG filter lol) Come With Me (Hail Mary) lol and see a day in the life of me and my thoughts and my reality I love song references- I swear I can have a conversation in song- every three words remind me of a song... (my randomness) Grandparents- I love mine and my grandmother has both dementia and Alzheimer's- it hurts- she will one day leave me and I have to come to that slowly as her mind and spirit drift away. So lively she was always banging pots or at the mall shopping for us. Now her days waste away with her trying to remember what she thought she forgot to remember- but it is called life and each time I see her I am reminded of how short and brief it is. Married, children, homes, cars, accounts, church, friends, money, fun- what is it to her ...

So here we are May 3, 2016 and it dawns on me. The day. We also have Facebook to thank us for our ever so fond greatest memories, moments and post "On This Day" a lifetime ago. So I admit- I thought about him today- why is the date forever etched in my mind... hopefully in 2 years time it won't be but for the moment it is. The day he sat in my room and asked if I was ready to embark on this unknown journey of us and I said yes. Well here we are a WHOLE year later and things are not quite what I imagined they would be. And that is OK. However I did want to share some of my past FB post that spurred me to say that May 3, 2016 will be different from my other May 3rd's. So let's take a journey.... May 3, 2011 "I am giving up on dating... its too stressful and cost too much I would rather go work out and that's not fun" Today: I went for a 3 mile run that I thoroughly enjoyed- changed, but I have given up on dating due to the same reasoning men...

She told me something was missing. Not a spark or a twinkle Not a light or a star Not a fire or an ember My magic was missing. The very thing that allowed me to create the me I wanted to be, had long gone missing He took it, I said, and I want it back! I want it all back. Slowly she felt it returning- but she had to figure how to use it again. Never again would she let someone steal her magic. Never again would she freely give of her magic. Never again would she take for granted the magic that was given to her as her prized possession. And when she said it- she felt it- the magic she once knew had returned and oh how it had grew. It was undeniable, unimaginable- she realized that the magic was her, she had never left- she had only forgotten due to his curse. She realized what she had forgotten; she had placed her magic safely on a shelf far, far away from what she called her heart. Hidden from all others, even herself- because she was too weak to control it ...

So I am up doing some grass roots research into pursuing some passions of mine... hair and fashion.  While texting a guy who is interested in me. And it hit me. I am ready to date again! Finally. Lordt I thought I was going to be stuck in that negative stage forever! By the way the title of this post is inspired by a podcast that I listened to- that helped get me through entitled: Single But READY.. check it out it is eye opening. So if you read some of my post from the August/September period you will note the harping of the breakup and my efforts to rebound date. Well I never wrote about my perspective of trying to rebound date. Let us just say it was horrible. I truly do not recommend trying to rebound date, while being celibate and on the tail ends of a heartbreak... Nothing good comes from Nazareth right? HA.. ok. Basically as I sat here thinking back to that time period I was sooo negative. Negative Nancy welcome to the party. These guys were showing genuine interest in m...

Recently I have been on my journey of discovery and paying more attention to me, my thoughts, my actions, my likes, my strengths, areas of improvement etc. Initially after "the breakup" I noted to self that my fear of rejection led me to make some foolish decisions and in turn I became someone I did not recognize. I had always known that I suffered slightly from some sort of fear of rejection and/or abandonment- which is why it took me forever to become close with anyone intimately where they knew my good and bad. I feared that they would not like "That ME" or that they would eventually leave me. These fears of rejection and abandonment stemmed from childhood experiences where I felt like I never quite made it into fitting in... I was always too something. Too tall, too dark, too skinny, too fat, too smart, too nice---- tooo tooo tooo I never was just  right for anything. 5 years old going to gymnastics class- which I thoroughly enjoyed and had begun to excel in...

So it is 9:38pm here in rainy Seattle. As I await my flight to DFW- I want to drop some knowledge on you. Feminism by definition is  the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.  So the portion I want to focus on is the social aspect. I could argue this from several angles inclusive of the viewa of the beyhive and our independence from men. But I am not. I want to argue this from the social aspect of our intwined dependence of each other. So being a 90's era baby I fell in love with the mantra of anything you can do I can do better!  My inner competitor showed all through elementary from spelling bees to playing football and running track. I can be faster, stronger and smarter than any boy... And I believed that with every fiber of my being and for the most part I was successful in my beating of the boys. That was until middle school- when they suddenly were taller than me and stronger than me.... My interest shifted ...

As promised- I wanted to share a few pictures with you all of the Valentine's Bash- hosted by yours truly this weekend for the children.. It was a success and we raised the funds needed to aid them in their next sponsored event. Here you go!!

Being single with Valentine's Day on the horizon sucks right? Well not for me, I am refocusing my energies into positive vibes for others. So No, I will not receive a new outfit, shoes, chocolates or even flowers this year- maybe if my daddy decides I still need validation from him- He always buys me valentines gifts *Daddy's Girl* but I don't think he counts anymore at 26 :-) So no guy and no gifts for me but I will be throwing a Valentine's Bash for the kids. Neka Luv the Kids. I decided that I would focus all my creative juices and some funds into making their Valentine's Day fun. I wish some grown up would have thrown us a Valentine's Bash- like how fun is that- not worried about a play gf/bf  just going to have fun with friends on the day my parents were probably creating my siblings lol- One was born beginning of  November--- Calculating? A cookie bar, mocktails, music, DIY photo booth and food! I think I will have more fun than the kids lol. Pictu...

So I am going to need to Netflix to screen these movies when they decide to show them to the world. Today, I watched 2 movies and when they ended I said WTH did I just watch? The Overnight- so I thought this was going to be a romantic comedy of sorts. Like Why did I get married- my spouse cheated- we reconciled type movie----- ohhhhh was I in for a surprise. Young couple moves to Cali, wife works and husband is a stay at home dad... sort of backwards to me, but they are looking to make new friends in this new home of theirs. Voila- a friend appears for both them and their son over a bag of gummi worms- Going great so far.  They get invited to a family dinner of pizza and wine and friends. The children automatically hit it off- best fran!! The hosting couple suggest that they put the boys to sleep their and continue their conversation- they are connecting- why not.? So Mr Jack of all trades puts the children to sleep like with piano playing, humidifiers and incense- magical...

We have the power to speak both death or life into not only ourselves but those around us.  Starting today, I am changing my vocabulary and train of thought. I will speak life into myself and those around me. I am loved, I am beautiful, I am everything and anything I choose to be. I own my future. I am tired of questioning my relationships while realizing I was in those situations due to my own lack of faith or lack of belief in something different. Complacency breeds failure. This move has made me realize that I can do whatever I put my mind to and that those who truly belong in your life will come along for the ride. Reminiscing on loves past will not allow me to move forward with anything or anyone new. Not that I want to jump right into anything but I realized that I am much happier when my focus is on self and not them. Yes, learn from all things gone wrong in the past... but also reflect on what went right. Who have you become? Did the situation change you for the better? H...

Ran across this article and it seems to be exactly what I am deciding to do right now. You have that one guy that you know loves you but you feel complacent and maybe a little bored... but you know you would have a life with him. Then there is the guy that challenges everything within you to be this person you don't know, you become great with them but then it fades away as fast as it began. The passion is unsurpassed, you feel alive but when they leave you are left bleeding and dead on the inside.. So take a read and maybe you will reconsider life too. Should have never dated the other guy.... Date a man who loves you more. Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is. Fall in love carelessly. Start to think he must be the one, begin building a life with him. Become entangled with his family and him with yours, believe he will be the father of your children in later years. Date a man who loves you more because he will love everything you ...

So it is week one of my Jenny Craig... the food is good but mannn I still be hungry. My best friend and I are on a mission though to get healthy and happy and this is the first step in that journey. So far so good.... I have not got on a scale yet but hey I feel better and more energized and I am making a conscious decision to change my life. When we go to Vancouver in March we gone be cute!! We are always on point but you know confidence level will be on 150. Plus we gotta be in shape being that we will be taking the naturistic approach such as bike riding and hiking. Oh yeah.... finally moved and loving my new place... it is purely me... back to being my sanctuary, my place to get away from all the other stuff. On to what this post is truly about. So, I am somewhat back on the dating scene and God I did not realize how being in tune with yourself can open your eyes to everything! the past, present and future. My mother has always told me that it would take a VERY strong and patie...