Life from my view

It is almost 2018 already and I have yet to post my last few trips but tonight I didn't want to talk about my trips, my goals, or any of that. I just want to share my candid thoughts. As I reflect on the last year, I am saying to myself- I never imagined I could be this happy in a relationship, this satisfied in life, this comfortable with my own thoughts. I am thankful for my family and the new friends he has placed in my life. I was challenged with change this year and now it's about to be 2018.... I guess what I want to say is accept the changes that life has for you. Enjoy moments, laugh, cry, be comfortable in your in skin and if your not be confident in your decision to change it. There is so much you all don't know that I don't have time to share tonight but given my new take on life blogging is back, books are back, wine never left and bae is good. I'm just really happy to be happy right now.

She told me something was missing. Not a spark or a twinkle Not a light or a star Not a fire or an ember My magic was missing. The very thing that allowed me to create the me I wanted to be, had long gone missing He took it, I said, and I want it back! I want it all back. Slowly she felt it returning- but she had to figure how to use it again. Never again would she let someone steal her magic. Never again would she freely give of her magic. Never again would she take for granted the magic that was given to her as her prized possession. And when she said it- she felt it- the magic she once knew had returned and oh how it had grew. It was undeniable, unimaginable- she realized that the magic was her, she had never left- she had only forgotten due to his curse. She realized what she had forgotten; she had placed her magic safely on a shelf far, far away from what she called her heart. Hidden from all others, even herself- because she was too weak to control it ...

Recently I have been on my journey of discovery and paying more attention to me, my thoughts, my actions, my likes, my strengths, areas of improvement etc. Initially after "the breakup" I noted to self that my fear of rejection led me to make some foolish decisions and in turn I became someone I did not recognize. I had always known that I suffered slightly from some sort of fear of rejection and/or abandonment- which is why it took me forever to become close with anyone intimately where they knew my good and bad. I feared that they would not like "That ME" or that they would eventually leave me. These fears of rejection and abandonment stemmed from childhood experiences where I felt like I never quite made it into fitting in... I was always too something. Too tall, too dark, too skinny, too fat, too smart, too nice---- tooo tooo tooo I never was just  right for anything. 5 years old going to gymnastics class- which I thoroughly enjoyed and had begun to excel in...