Life from my view

First things first- when someone dies it is "Sorry for your loss" Not LOST.... OK CARRY ON... Sept 23, my paw paw left me. He was my first date, my etiquette instructor, my listening ear and my biggest cheerleader. You paid me for my good grades even just this year in grad school. You taught me the importance of having a plan. I had to create a full proposal for you on what I would spend this much needed 600.00 on while in New York- I asked you provided.  You were very much so what I needed in this life. I lost Liz at the age of 13 and now you at the age of 28. I dealt with it a lot better this time around, but it still hurts. I wanted you to at least see me get married, but you can't live forever is what you told me. I will miss your presence in your spot on the couch, I am just thankful for the years that we got.  It was a combination of things that finally made you leave. The heart problems; you suffered through 5 heart attacks in my lifetime alone- 2 open heart ...

Habits are hard to break- aren't they? So are routines....so are traditions. It has been quite a while since I have shared any updates with via my blog. I have been living in lala land of falling in love again. With this change has come many changes from experiencing a guy who buys me flowers just cause, to him taking a vested interest in my spiritual life and why I do what I do, to him easily becoming a part of my family from Day 1. Funny what can happen when you prepare yourself to receive the blessings of God. So on to change....it is inevitable right? Yes it is. I have attended the same church since I was 8 years old. This is the church that my parents decided to join and we have made it our home. I met some of my best friends at this church, had my heartbroken, experienced triumphs, celebrated births and even came together to bury loved ones. I have had my share of both ups and downs from being a 20 year member of this church. I have been in ministry, I have experienced se...

My goodness! 2017 is upon us and I have been slacking on this blog thing. I have good reasoning for that though. Grad school, new job, new man just new life all together has been keeping me occupied and pressed for time. This year has been a great one! I set out on a journey, finished some projects, started some others and now I am ready for the next chapter in my life. Let us give me a hand clap for a 3.8GPA in grad school 12 credit hours down all A's..... got my mojo back. Trip wise- I went to the Grand Canyon, took my sister on her first plane ride and locomotive ride- check us out. I also went on my first cruise with the family- check us out- Carnival Freedom!!! Anddd.. Chantel's got a man at home (channeling my inner 90's song list) Chante Moore.... And he's so good to me!  That was unexpected-  The holidays this year have been blissfully wonderful. The entire family know...

I have wrote and deleted and wrote and deleted. It has been a while but I have been on my grind for work, school and cultivating a new relationship. Kind of in my feelings today. Not sure why. Loving my job, in a good place mentally, kind of stagnant physically but that is an ongoing process but all in all life as it is- is good. I am scared of the feelings. I am scared of falling off of the ledge again and being hurt. But the journey is so worth it. Falling in love is what life is about whether it is falling in love with a person or your lifes passion. Love is worth every text message, every argument, every fear, every laugh. I am in this new place and it is scary for me. I know what it is like to be in love and it be unrequited- but I have no clue what its like to be loved and be in love at the same time. It is new territory for me and the LOVE word- let me not. I am so afraid to use that loosely. His question to me- are you happy? I am so for now I will enjoy the journey and tr...

This weekend I had the joy and honor of hosting the Launch Party for "ITM" Dallas. This initiative is a mentoring program geared towards young minority males to provide them with an outlet to be themselves and find their purpose in life. This program is not like others where I call you 1x week and maybe show up to a few games. It is about giving and receiving what you need to succeed.  The premise of the program is to not only mentor young men but for those same young men to then become mentors for a lifetime. The level of accountability is unsurpassed. As a mentee- I can mess up and maybe slack on my goals a little because someone (my mentor) is there to guide me, but once I become a mentor- someone else is now depending on me to be their guide and I now have a true empathy and understanding for their plight as a mentee- because I was there. It is genius. Consistency is the goal and we are committed to changing the world- 1 life at a time. Successful launch party on 10...

Family vacay time LOL yep up the street in Flint, TX. 10 miles outside of Tyler, TX. So my parents are a part of the generation that actually bought timeshares... yeah smart right- well this time it kind of - sort of paid off. We got to stay free of charge- just used the accumulated points. Outside of horrible customer service from the Holiday Inn staff- all in all I had a wonderful time with my family. My siblings and I had fun messing with each other and making useless snap chat post, it was relaxing- one of the best naps in life on Saturday and I went a full day without phone service due to my case blocking reception in the woods- weird.  Here a few snaps of our time in Flint. So if you just want to get away from all the noise of the city- but not be too far- visit Flint, take a boat out on to Lake Palestine, stay a night- get some quiet time. #Texasgirlsdoitbetter in honor of this awesome Olympic season we have had....I digress

Was not sure what to title this particular post. So many new things and blessings happening in my life right now. For starters let me say God has really been pouring into my life these past 2 months alone and I can truly say that I tried him. Now-- he is trying me lol. I made 1 year on my trek to celibacy Aug 3, 2016!! It was a struggle, I cried a lot and I had to dig deep in order to get to the root of why I even started having sex before marriage. Past the surface self esteem stuff and actually come to grips with the fact that I was lost. I knew so much and so little at the same time. Wanting to be loved, not knowing what it truly was or how to properly give it. So year 1- done! The level of growth and being able to see these guys for what they are right then and there has truly saved me some time and energy. A (BOY) and I emphasize boy because of his mindset tried for several months to invite himself to my place of residence after I clearly stated my stance on celibacy and even ...

It's been a while I know!! Just had a lot going on in July. Updates coming soon. However, I wanted to talk about this discovery I made in finding out that when it comes to dating- GUESS WHAT girls the guys are just as scared as we are!!! I did not fully realize though until this weekend. Backstory: I have a good friend  with whom I hang out with all the time. She has a God brother with whom she is really close with and she always tries to fix him up with people. So I would say the past 3 months- since her birthday in May- we all have been hanging really tight. Her birthday, his birthday, my birthday, family functions, summertime fun- just hanging. The attraction was there- conversations happened- laughs- grocery store runs and he even cooked for me (and my 8 visitors) at 3am... so I am like hey he kinda cute, showing interest etc. I am an awesome tease/flirt....its the afterwards actions and conversations that I fail out i.e the real relationship- but I digress. So I am showi...

So while cleaning out my infamous car trunk... I found an old tablet with a couple of poems I wrote for my Sabbath school class back in 2002. I had a little bit of skill..hope you enjoy.                                 Who Was There? When The Clouds Hang Low and You Can Hardly See The Road Just Thought You Should Know, God Is Always In Control If You Take The Time, time to realize... Who Who was there to wipe the tears away? Who was there when you didn't know your way? or what to say? Who told you to pray? Was it your family or your friends? Neither... you say? Then who was there? It Was He Who Sticks Closer Thank a Brother He Knows The Secrets hid deep in your heart If they still ponder upon who was there.... Be sure to tell them that it was he who died upon the cross Just to save those who should be lost. He, Jesus was there.                 ...

I know that I am about 2 weeks late... but I am working full time and pursuing a Master's so be patient! Miss USA 2016  is exponentially several degrees above awesome. Let us take a moment to discuss what makes her awesome. 1. She is Black- unapologetic. Most definitely oozing #BlackGirlMagic the definition of #BlackExcellence and that melanin is definitely popping. I wonder what color she wears> definitely not any shade that Neutorgena offers (No Shade) but not everyone has cool, orange or yellow undertones.... some of US have prominent red undertones!!! I digress.... Handclap to the makeup artist and creators out there that cater to ALL SHADES of BLACK. 2. Member of the US Army- Patriot and passionate about it. Some of my people are not the most supportive of African Americans fighting for a country that chose to enslave and continues to mentally enslave us as a people. My goodness! Cut the girl some slack- she has chosen to sacrifice her life for others- which is t...

Change is inevitable. Change is hard. Change is necessary. In order to grow there are some changes that go on... some are subtle others are drastic! This past year has been trans-formative for me. Letting go of some things and some people that I thought would be in my life for good. But this particular post is not about those people or the situations that led to them being banned from my life. This post is about me realizing that I grew. Growing is a funny thing in both the natural and spiritual realms. When you are younger you do not realize when the growth spurt happens until you try on your favorite pants or shirt and it doesn't quite fit anymore. Same in the spiritual- you do not know until you have to try a situation on. So my growth occurred in the area that I thought I was weak in. I have always been the type to allow 2nd and 3rd chances and allowed people to linger on a lot longer than they should have. Thinking on it, these same people are the ones who have an ex...

I feel like the past two weeks I have been in the twilight zone or some form of a purgatory if it really existed. I have been viewing my own life as an outsider- seeing myself in another light not filtered through Juno (my favorite IG filter lol) Come With Me (Hail Mary) lol and see a day in the life of me and my thoughts and my reality I love song references- I swear I can have a conversation in song- every three words remind me of a song... (my randomness) Grandparents- I love mine and my grandmother has both dementia and Alzheimer's- it hurts- she will one day leave me and I have to come to that slowly as her mind and spirit drift away. So lively she was always banging pots or at the mall shopping for us. Now her days waste away with her trying to remember what she thought she forgot to remember- but it is called life and each time I see her I am reminded of how short and brief it is. Married, children, homes, cars, accounts, church, friends, money, fun- what is it to her ...

She told me something was missing. Not a spark or a twinkle Not a light or a star Not a fire or an ember My magic was missing. The very thing that allowed me to create the me I wanted to be, had long gone missing He took it, I said, and I want it back! I want it all back. Slowly she felt it returning- but she had to figure how to use it again. Never again would she let someone steal her magic. Never again would she freely give of her magic. Never again would she take for granted the magic that was given to her as her prized possession. And when she said it- she felt it- the magic she once knew had returned and oh how it had grew. It was undeniable, unimaginable- she realized that the magic was her, she had never left- she had only forgotten due to his curse. She realized what she had forgotten; she had placed her magic safely on a shelf far, far away from what she called her heart. Hidden from all others, even herself- because she was too weak to control it ...

Finding yourself is a wonderful experience. Realizing who you are- it feels  like a great awakening! It  is freeing and challenging at the same time. Breaking chains or habits that have become second nature to you is not an easy feat. We all have things that we wish we could change about ourselves at some point and time. My question now is why not. Why not chase your dreams? Why not move? Why not fall in love? Why not be who you were purposed to be? In life- things get in the way- it is called life. How you deal with those distractions will determine how far along you get on this journey. It really hurt me to find out that Kehlani (one of my fav artist right now) attempted suicide. I pondered thinking WOW- what was so bad that she wanted to end it all. Here she is this gorgeous, talented, free spirit- Grammy nominated artist- girlfriend to a man worth 90mil- who is tall enough and cute enough- who displays his love for her. Why? your life seems to be what any 20 year old wou...

So I am up doing some grass roots research into pursuing some passions of mine... hair and fashion.  While texting a guy who is interested in me. And it hit me. I am ready to date again! Finally. Lordt I thought I was going to be stuck in that negative stage forever! By the way the title of this post is inspired by a podcast that I listened to- that helped get me through entitled: Single But READY.. check it out it is eye opening. So if you read some of my post from the August/September period you will note the harping of the breakup and my efforts to rebound date. Well I never wrote about my perspective of trying to rebound date. Let us just say it was horrible. I truly do not recommend trying to rebound date, while being celibate and on the tail ends of a heartbreak... Nothing good comes from Nazareth right? HA.. ok. Basically as I sat here thinking back to that time period I was sooo negative. Negative Nancy welcome to the party. These guys were showing genuine interest in m...

So it is 9:38pm here in rainy Seattle. As I await my flight to DFW- I want to drop some knowledge on you. Feminism by definition is  the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.  So the portion I want to focus on is the social aspect. I could argue this from several angles inclusive of the viewa of the beyhive and our independence from men. But I am not. I want to argue this from the social aspect of our intwined dependence of each other. So being a 90's era baby I fell in love with the mantra of anything you can do I can do better!  My inner competitor showed all through elementary from spelling bees to playing football and running track. I can be faster, stronger and smarter than any boy... And I believed that with every fiber of my being and for the most part I was successful in my beating of the boys. That was until middle school- when they suddenly were taller than me and stronger than me.... My interest shifted ...

So life is great.... good job, great apartment, good car, all my family, able to travel leisurely, not broke, finding myself...... but something is missing. Transparency:  I am sitting in my living room- not wanting to my watch my usual on either Netflix or Hulu. Not quite depressed but teetering this fine line of questioning all that I am. Why can I not have everything I want...why must I wait for Mr. Right? So I sound like a spoiled 3 year old... oh well, that is just where I am in life right now. Maybe it hormones or maybe its the process.  I have a bestfriend who had a baby and then got married... she seems happy... The other bestfriend has her kids to go home to and what do I have? My great job, quiet apartment and wine......but positive breeds positive right? So I shop.... I shop to fill the missing pieces of my life... clothing and shoes never worn to make me feel better. Catch me at my shoe store tomorrow off Preston... Just FYI Cannot smoke weed... yeah promis...

This last quarter of 2015 has truly been life changing for me. I am becoming the me that I imagined and worked towards for so long.  Great things are happening! 1. Update on Jenny Craig- I have lost 10lbs so far and I love my morning workouts they get me up and moving (Not a morning person) so this is a big deal. And the food is really tasty 2. Love my new apartment- hosting my first baby rats Graduation Shin-Dig on Saturday. I did not think the boy was gone graduate lol but he did it. 1 down 2 brothers to go! UT- Arlington Alum GO MAVS! 3. Resigned from DPsiE- after much deliberation within self, realized it was not for me, it was also a learning process that I had to grow through and at this time in my life it was bringing no value to life and aspirations. 4. Hit my 1 year mark with my current company and that is a big deal with me because I get tired of my jobs easily but I enjoy my work and my team. It is all in perspective- Positive breeds positive. 5. Got new pill...

Ran across this article and it seems to be exactly what I am deciding to do right now. You have that one guy that you know loves you but you feel complacent and maybe a little bored... but you know you would have a life with him. Then there is the guy that challenges everything within you to be this person you don't know, you become great with them but then it fades away as fast as it began. The passion is unsurpassed, you feel alive but when they leave you are left bleeding and dead on the inside.. So take a read and maybe you will reconsider life too. Should have never dated the other guy.... Date a man who loves you more. Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is. Fall in love carelessly. Start to think he must be the one, begin building a life with him. Become entangled with his family and him with yours, believe he will be the father of your children in later years. Date a man who loves you more because he will love everything you ...

So it is week one of my Jenny Craig... the food is good but mannn I still be hungry. My best friend and I are on a mission though to get healthy and happy and this is the first step in that journey. So far so good.... I have not got on a scale yet but hey I feel better and more energized and I am making a conscious decision to change my life. When we go to Vancouver in March we gone be cute!! We are always on point but you know confidence level will be on 150. Plus we gotta be in shape being that we will be taking the naturistic approach such as bike riding and hiking. Oh yeah.... finally moved and loving my new place... it is purely me... back to being my sanctuary, my place to get away from all the other stuff. On to what this post is truly about. So, I am somewhat back on the dating scene and God I did not realize how being in tune with yourself can open your eyes to everything! the past, present and future. My mother has always told me that it would take a VERY strong and patie...