So life is great.... good job, great apartment, good car, all my family, able to travel leisurely, not broke, finding myself...... but something is missing.
Transparency:
I am sitting in my living room- not wanting to my watch my usual on either Netflix or Hulu. Not quite depressed but teetering this fine line of questioning all that I am. Why can I not have everything I want...why must I wait for Mr. Right? So I sound like a spoiled 3 year old... oh well, that is just where I am in life right now. Maybe it hormones or maybe its the process.
I have a bestfriend who had a baby and then got married... she seems happy... The other bestfriend has her kids to go home to and what do I have? My great job, quiet apartment and wine......but positive breeds positive right? So I shop.... I shop to fill the missing pieces of my life... clothing and shoes never worn to make me feel better. Catch me at my shoe store tomorrow off Preston... Just FYI
Cannot smoke weed... yeah promised Jesus back in 2009 I would not go back down that road, I think about it A LOT but no... so no green for me and I am ok with that.
Cannot go be promiscuous and transfer spirits and bodily fluids with a total stranger or an ex.... yeah I am scared for one, two- told Jesus I would wait upon him and if he got me to January I could then pray to make it to July... waiting and working remember....not 100% ok with that.. but waiting.
Cannot keep shopping- 90.00 at Ross, 60.00 at Forever21, 30 more at Ross, 50.00 at Ulta, 20.00 at half price, 100.00 out to eat, 100.00 on wine, and even bought a new tire and sensor 180.00 (I needed it right or nah) and going shoe shopping tomorrow- just wanted to emphasize that.. the first step to recovery is acknowledgement- yes I have a problem and yes I will be catering to that problem tomorrow... need some new boots it got cold over the weekend!! (justification, satisfaction)
Read... yeah not focused. TV.... yeah not focused Workout... did it felt good for like a hour and back down.... Eat... no that will really be a bad decision lol
I feel stuck.. no decision can be made and no where to turn and then he says "Be still and know that I am God." Yeah but I cant see you and that is hard for my little human mind to comprehend you are here and I believe you are here but where?
Why do I feel less than when you promised me more? Why do I feel like a fish out of water? Where is my place in this life? I feel like I am going in circles but life is great, right? Why did I choose books over boys, passion over comfort, peace over drama- where did it get me? Oh yeah my great apartment, with my great job and great life right?
Sips Wine.
Feeling a little better at least I am not crying anymore... (I am a crybaby, ask about me)
Stay safe this NYE... remember buzzed driving is drunk driving.
Transparency:
I am sitting in my living room- not wanting to my watch my usual on either Netflix or Hulu. Not quite depressed but teetering this fine line of questioning all that I am. Why can I not have everything I want...why must I wait for Mr. Right? So I sound like a spoiled 3 year old... oh well, that is just where I am in life right now. Maybe it hormones or maybe its the process.
I have a bestfriend who had a baby and then got married... she seems happy... The other bestfriend has her kids to go home to and what do I have? My great job, quiet apartment and wine......but positive breeds positive right? So I shop.... I shop to fill the missing pieces of my life... clothing and shoes never worn to make me feel better. Catch me at my shoe store tomorrow off Preston... Just FYI
Cannot smoke weed... yeah promised Jesus back in 2009 I would not go back down that road, I think about it A LOT but no... so no green for me and I am ok with that.
Cannot go be promiscuous and transfer spirits and bodily fluids with a total stranger or an ex.... yeah I am scared for one, two- told Jesus I would wait upon him and if he got me to January I could then pray to make it to July... waiting and working remember....not 100% ok with that.. but waiting.
Cannot keep shopping- 90.00 at Ross, 60.00 at Forever21, 30 more at Ross, 50.00 at Ulta, 20.00 at half price, 100.00 out to eat, 100.00 on wine, and even bought a new tire and sensor 180.00 (I needed it right or nah) and going shoe shopping tomorrow- just wanted to emphasize that.. the first step to recovery is acknowledgement- yes I have a problem and yes I will be catering to that problem tomorrow... need some new boots it got cold over the weekend!! (justification, satisfaction)
Read... yeah not focused. TV.... yeah not focused Workout... did it felt good for like a hour and back down.... Eat... no that will really be a bad decision lol
I feel stuck.. no decision can be made and no where to turn and then he says "Be still and know that I am God." Yeah but I cant see you and that is hard for my little human mind to comprehend you are here and I believe you are here but where?
Why do I feel less than when you promised me more? Why do I feel like a fish out of water? Where is my place in this life? I feel like I am going in circles but life is great, right? Why did I choose books over boys, passion over comfort, peace over drama- where did it get me? Oh yeah my great apartment, with my great job and great life right?
Sips Wine.
Feeling a little better at least I am not crying anymore... (I am a crybaby, ask about me)
Stay safe this NYE... remember buzzed driving is drunk driving.
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