Life from my view

I have wrote and deleted and wrote and deleted. It has been a while but I have been on my grind for work, school and cultivating a new relationship. Kind of in my feelings today. Not sure why. Loving my job, in a good place mentally, kind of stagnant physically but that is an ongoing process but all in all life as it is- is good. I am scared of the feelings. I am scared of falling off of the ledge again and being hurt. But the journey is so worth it. Falling in love is what life is about whether it is falling in love with a person or your lifes passion. Love is worth every text message, every argument, every fear, every laugh. I am in this new place and it is scary for me. I know what it is like to be in love and it be unrequited- but I have no clue what its like to be loved and be in love at the same time. It is new territory for me and the LOVE word- let me not. I am so afraid to use that loosely. His question to me- are you happy? I am so for now I will enjoy the journey and tr...

"It's Good To Be Queen"- Quote on my favorite coffee mug. But heavy is the head that wears the crown... I don't care! Crown ME! As I sit her sipping my tea while watching some medieval show- it hit me! I am a queen. So this spurred me into one my infamous google searches on the qualities and characteristics of a queen; the expectations and needs of a queen; what does it mean to be queen? Of course there is Queen Elizabeth, Queen Esther,Queen Nefertiti and Queen of Sheba- what did these women possess that others do not.  Aside from royal blood and marriage- they possessed a certain mindset, strength and respect for themselves first, then for the people. Women in general have always been seen as the infererior sex due to our "ambition" as I call it in the Garden. As women we have always wanted more and are able to yield our power over men once we realize how to use it properly. As queens we possess the potential to not only birth a nation but to contro...

Update: I completed my 24 hours of solitude- which according to my friends is more than enough time to get over a breakup lol.  Upon completion- I have since ventured into the world of happy hours! Called up one of my sorors headed and headed to Plano. I figured that if I am to meet someone I must get out there. So I did.  Had a good time, not too much pressure on myself and just chilled out, did not try too hard and voila! 2 numbers and a possible date.   This morning while deciding to write this particular blog... I ran across a recent article about dating in dallas. It was quite true and entertaining. We have limited date night options besides eating- there are no beaches, mountains or lush green areas. Since we have to eat- most restaurants offer you the down home, southern fried, BBQ sauce dipped, tex-mex options in very large portions- talk about gaining weight if you are on the dating scene. Not to mention the guy that works in a call center making 15/hr ...

What comes to mind when I think of LOVE... well first Diggy Simmons song you're my 4 letter word (Jamming) Love is new for me, not really, but really. I am ready for the all encompassing, all enduring love. Life is not always perfect but I feel that it can and will last forever. We hear so many opinions on what love should look like and how it should feel but it is a personal battle. I want committment, compassion, endurance, faith, hope, knowledge, communication and acceptance. I am so ready to promise my all, to feel as though I am that person- my other half. I know what it is to be in like, to be in lust- but I have never given my ALL to one person. I know myself and I have always held back a portion of myself for fear of failing at love. At 25 I am now ready to hand it all over and say here I am. What keeps me from loving? Fear. Why am I scared? I have no idea. So today, I am jumping head first, maybe feet first- well it does not matter. I am jumping all in- into LOVE. ...

The Problem.... It is hard to let go of something you have had for so long. The saying goes, " If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were." But what time frame is it that we are supposed to stick to and how long do you wait on someone who may not even love you?   I have read over a zillion articles, magazines and blogs in regards to relationships and how to know they love you, what to do to keep a man, how to please him and the list can go on and on..... For some some reason in the back of my mind I keep saying that I will know when it is real. But will I? So many questions that go unanswered, but there comes a point in time that you must realize that you are in this life for yourself- make the most of it.I am learning to accept the things I cannot change and to change those which I can. I cannot continue to wait on a love that only exist half way.  So what is your plan you say? The Plan.... Change the situation....