So I am up doing some grass roots research into pursuing some passions of mine... hair and fashion. While texting a guy who is interested in me. And it hit me. I am ready to date again! Finally. Lordt I thought I was going to be stuck in that negative stage forever! By the way the title of this post is inspired by a podcast that I listened to- that helped get me through entitled: Single But READY.. check it out it is eye opening.
So if you read some of my post from the August/September period you will note the harping of the breakup and my efforts to rebound date. Well I never wrote about my perspective of trying to rebound date. Let us just say it was horrible. I truly do not recommend trying to rebound date, while being celibate and on the tail ends of a heartbreak... Nothing good comes from Nazareth right? HA.. ok.
Basically as I sat here thinking back to that time period I was sooo negative. Negative Nancy welcome to the party. These guys were showing genuine interest in me and all I could think was how he not gone use me, how he look, why he not this and why he not that. Failing to realize that my negative perception fed into my conversation. WOW. Sitting, wondering why I was attracting these Needy, half done guys.... I was NEEDY on an emotional level... I was looking to fill that emotional void with these guys. So what I did not need them physically or financially but emotionally I was a mess... thinking of my ex and what went wrong and how it all was his fault and how dare he approach me on some BS like that! Negative breeds negative and I could not see it then.
So thankfully I came to my senses and decided to take a break from men all together and to focus on myself internally. What did I need to become whole again? Where was my happy place? Who Am I? What is my purpose? Is love for me? Will I ever fall in love or feel loved again?
Of course I started on this weight loss journey and my confidence shot up you know like 30% I always knew I was cute but I always wondered if I was cute enough... well now I do not compare myself to others. I am who I am and I need to love myself where I am. And slowly I started to become like this better version of me. Who knew I could be better? LOL
I still love my wine but can you believe it has been 4 months since I purchased a self preserving bottle! It is a miracle! It is no longer my crutch to feel relaxed, I meditate.
So one night during my meditation I was talking to God about everything work, family, life- but especially my heartbreak. I needed him to release me from that and to give me his peace and to relinquish all the soul ties that had me bound. I swear as I sat there on that floor in meditation pose I could feel the negative energy being released and if I tried hard enough I would levitate. SWEAR..... and I began to cut those ties symbolically and within my spirit. For some reason I decided it was a good time, after releasing that negativity, to pop my back. If you knew me you would know I am like my own chiropractor- I pop fingers, toes, neck, lower back, upper back, ankles, knees and this one bone in between the thigh and vagina My GAWD--- yeah my body should be broken and limp well its not! So I digress- but I decided that I wanted to pop my back really good and I rolled back,feet in air and if i did not feel and hear all 32 vertebrae CRACK.... I jumped up with a quickness because I thought- SURELY YOU HAVE PARALYZED YOURSELF CRAZY GIRL- but the relief in that release was other world like and AT THAT MOMENT I KNEW... God loved me and he heard me and he had not only healed my heart but allowed my body to release the negative energy I had been storing up over the past months.
Needless to say I exceeded my goal at work, went on yet another trip of a lifetime, found my happy space and I am on my way to working towards my dreams... I finally see the light. Yea I may lose someone or somethings along the way but Greater is coming.
Seeing Adrienne Bailon and Isreal Haughton today- lifted my spirits even more! Being happy and in love gives me hope that there is definitely someone out there for me, waiting to share all the love they have with me and to go and explore the world with me. To enjoy life and lead me to yet another milestone of happiness and build a family with.
FINALLY I can truly say that I am ready. I have released all my baggage, worked on and found me, secured my position with Christ and now I am working and waiting on my perfectly imperfect mate to do life with.
So if you read some of my post from the August/September period you will note the harping of the breakup and my efforts to rebound date. Well I never wrote about my perspective of trying to rebound date. Let us just say it was horrible. I truly do not recommend trying to rebound date, while being celibate and on the tail ends of a heartbreak... Nothing good comes from Nazareth right? HA.. ok.
Basically as I sat here thinking back to that time period I was sooo negative. Negative Nancy welcome to the party. These guys were showing genuine interest in me and all I could think was how he not gone use me, how he look, why he not this and why he not that. Failing to realize that my negative perception fed into my conversation. WOW. Sitting, wondering why I was attracting these Needy, half done guys.... I was NEEDY on an emotional level... I was looking to fill that emotional void with these guys. So what I did not need them physically or financially but emotionally I was a mess... thinking of my ex and what went wrong and how it all was his fault and how dare he approach me on some BS like that! Negative breeds negative and I could not see it then.
So thankfully I came to my senses and decided to take a break from men all together and to focus on myself internally. What did I need to become whole again? Where was my happy place? Who Am I? What is my purpose? Is love for me? Will I ever fall in love or feel loved again?
Of course I started on this weight loss journey and my confidence shot up you know like 30% I always knew I was cute but I always wondered if I was cute enough... well now I do not compare myself to others. I am who I am and I need to love myself where I am. And slowly I started to become like this better version of me. Who knew I could be better? LOL
I still love my wine but can you believe it has been 4 months since I purchased a self preserving bottle! It is a miracle! It is no longer my crutch to feel relaxed, I meditate.
So one night during my meditation I was talking to God about everything work, family, life- but especially my heartbreak. I needed him to release me from that and to give me his peace and to relinquish all the soul ties that had me bound. I swear as I sat there on that floor in meditation pose I could feel the negative energy being released and if I tried hard enough I would levitate. SWEAR..... and I began to cut those ties symbolically and within my spirit. For some reason I decided it was a good time, after releasing that negativity, to pop my back. If you knew me you would know I am like my own chiropractor- I pop fingers, toes, neck, lower back, upper back, ankles, knees and this one bone in between the thigh and vagina My GAWD--- yeah my body should be broken and limp well its not! So I digress- but I decided that I wanted to pop my back really good and I rolled back,feet in air and if i did not feel and hear all 32 vertebrae CRACK.... I jumped up with a quickness because I thought- SURELY YOU HAVE PARALYZED YOURSELF CRAZY GIRL- but the relief in that release was other world like and AT THAT MOMENT I KNEW... God loved me and he heard me and he had not only healed my heart but allowed my body to release the negative energy I had been storing up over the past months.
Needless to say I exceeded my goal at work, went on yet another trip of a lifetime, found my happy space and I am on my way to working towards my dreams... I finally see the light. Yea I may lose someone or somethings along the way but Greater is coming.
Seeing Adrienne Bailon and Isreal Haughton today- lifted my spirits even more! Being happy and in love gives me hope that there is definitely someone out there for me, waiting to share all the love they have with me and to go and explore the world with me. To enjoy life and lead me to yet another milestone of happiness and build a family with.
FINALLY I can truly say that I am ready. I have released all my baggage, worked on and found me, secured my position with Christ and now I am working and waiting on my perfectly imperfect mate to do life with.
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