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Embracing Self

I read this article the other day about finding self and purpose "Unbecoming Who You Are and Embracing Your True Self"  It was really interesting and I had a few take aways from it.

1. Realizing that I do not know who I am is the 1st step and then make steps to find that person

For the first time in my adult life.... I am single. Like really single, there is no "almost done" relationship or "friends with benefits" or guy I am talking to seriously.  It is just me, myself and I. What do I do when my phone is as dry as the Sahara?

2. I am scared.

I realized that I have this overwhelming fear of being alone as well as fear of being vulnerable. I wore a mask of this strong, confident woman covered up by my education and ambition. When in actuality I am a scared woman searching for myself in the midst of lifes distractions. School was my out, my way of becoming "safe" You can not take away my knowledge. Once you know something you cannot unknow it. Love is not "safe" so why venture into unsafe waters. Stick to what you know was my motto.

3. I am a people pleaser

When in relationships I do not want to be negative nancy or the disagreeable black woman who always has an issue.... so I pretend to go with the flow.  I compromise on things I probably should not. I now know- if you are meant to love me you will love me for all my flaws and imperfections and of course your opinion matters, but if I do not agree, I wont feel bad about self for not agreeing. I became this quiet, never offending girlfriend this time. I did not want to be like the ex- so in turn I became no one. I lost my spark.

4. Start Fresh

Now that I am single- FRFR, I know my flaws- it is time to start over.

A.  Renew my self confidence: which means shop of course, work out consistently, do my hair how I want it and rock it!
B. Change of scenery: MOVE! out of this apartment where I allowed him into my world, my sanctuary.
C. Broaden my horizons: travel more....this was a no brainer, I was going to do this regardless lol... escape
D. Finish Incompletes: Finish my Masters Degree this year, do 5 things on my bucket list (skydive, jet ski, run a 5k, go to Isreal, write a book)
E. Be alone: go to the bar, movies and shows by myself- I don't need a sidekick- it would be nice from time to time- but I don't NEED one.
F. Love more: open my eyes to what is in front of me and take life as it comes this planning bs is for the birds.... as the saying goes- "You plan;God laughs" He is in control so look to him for what is NEXT

The key is to stop looking backwards or forwards and look upwards.

The sense of peace I have just from attempting to study his word is REAL. I want to not only be satisfied with myself, I want to be pleasing unto him, no more failing the test, actually have faith in him, grow in patience.

Finally just embrace yourself and all of your quirks, kinks, flaws and darkness. God fearfully and wonderfully made you to be YOU. He makes no mistakes, your life is your life because he planned it so. If he can speak light into existence, I have to believe that he can speak a husband into my existence. He knows what I want- I told him, he also knows what I need- he is God.  I give up on pretending and existing, I want to live! Free of constraints and worry. I know heartache is a part of life but maybe just maybe if I would have done it his way from jump- I would be in a different place. No time to wonder about maybe though... it is time to embrace now and live forever.

Just Do YOU... the real YOU.

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