Life from my view

So life is great.... good job, great apartment, good car, all my family, able to travel leisurely, not broke, finding myself...... but something is missing. Transparency:  I am sitting in my living room- not wanting to my watch my usual on either Netflix or Hulu. Not quite depressed but teetering this fine line of questioning all that I am. Why can I not have everything I want...why must I wait for Mr. Right? So I sound like a spoiled 3 year old... oh well, that is just where I am in life right now. Maybe it hormones or maybe its the process.  I have a bestfriend who had a baby and then got married... she seems happy... The other bestfriend has her kids to go home to and what do I have? My great job, quiet apartment and wine......but positive breeds positive right? So I shop.... I shop to fill the missing pieces of my life... clothing and shoes never worn to make me feel better. Catch me at my shoe store tomorrow off Preston... Just FYI Cannot smoke weed... yeah promis...

This last quarter of 2015 has truly been life changing for me. I am becoming the me that I imagined and worked towards for so long.  Great things are happening! 1. Update on Jenny Craig- I have lost 10lbs so far and I love my morning workouts they get me up and moving (Not a morning person) so this is a big deal. And the food is really tasty 2. Love my new apartment- hosting my first baby rats Graduation Shin-Dig on Saturday. I did not think the boy was gone graduate lol but he did it. 1 down 2 brothers to go! UT- Arlington Alum GO MAVS! 3. Resigned from DPsiE- after much deliberation within self, realized it was not for me, it was also a learning process that I had to grow through and at this time in my life it was bringing no value to life and aspirations. 4. Hit my 1 year mark with my current company and that is a big deal with me because I get tired of my jobs easily but I enjoy my work and my team. It is all in perspective- Positive breeds positive. 5. Got new pill...

Yesterday evening, I had the priveledge of attending a tea party hosted by  a former colleague of mine. I attended of course in all my pomp and priss- nothing less expected of myself. What truly pleased me about this tea party was the affirmation I received from women of all walks all life, races and ages that were saying the exact things that I have been saying to myself through my postings. The affirmation that stood out the most was the topic of "Self Love" how they came to finally love themselves after 20, 30, 50 years and how that love of themselves and total surrender unto Christ allowed them to finally see the good in the world and in others and to finally be loved. I had a one off conversation with a young lady who would probably be 10 years my senior and to see that we are and were so alike when it comes to relationships was refreshing. She was a young, single parent who stayed in a toxic relationship for far too long and once she finally ended it- she was not look...

We have the power to speak both death or life into not only ourselves but those around us.  Starting today, I am changing my vocabulary and train of thought. I will speak life into myself and those around me. I am loved, I am beautiful, I am everything and anything I choose to be. I own my future. I am tired of questioning my relationships while realizing I was in those situations due to my own lack of faith or lack of belief in something different. Complacency breeds failure. This move has made me realize that I can do whatever I put my mind to and that those who truly belong in your life will come along for the ride. Reminiscing on loves past will not allow me to move forward with anything or anyone new. Not that I want to jump right into anything but I realized that I am much happier when my focus is on self and not them. Yes, learn from all things gone wrong in the past... but also reflect on what went right. Who have you become? Did the situation change you for the better? H...

Ran across this article and it seems to be exactly what I am deciding to do right now. You have that one guy that you know loves you but you feel complacent and maybe a little bored... but you know you would have a life with him. Then there is the guy that challenges everything within you to be this person you don't know, you become great with them but then it fades away as fast as it began. The passion is unsurpassed, you feel alive but when they leave you are left bleeding and dead on the inside.. So take a read and maybe you will reconsider life too. Should have never dated the other guy.... Date a man who loves you more. Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is. Fall in love carelessly. Start to think he must be the one, begin building a life with him. Become entangled with his family and him with yours, believe he will be the father of your children in later years. Date a man who loves you more because he will love everything you ...

When Someone Shows You Who They Are.. Believe Them The First Time- Maya Angelou I took this to heart today when reflecting over my life choices and why things turned out the way they did. It was brought to my attention by my younger, middle brother that I am all too quick to cut off people. WHEN they do one thing I am like NOPE, DONE. This is a trait that I know I have and I have always viewed it as both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because I cut the bull at the beginning. A curse because some people deserve another chance. It is one of those gray areas in my life that I try so hard to color in or make clear. But the real reason why that quote resonated with me is becuase there was a time in my life, these past 4 years, that I tried to not be the person who cuts others off. I tried it and it failed. This quote is true and will forever be true especially when it comes to humans. Rarely do people change to suit others. Self is always more important than others. When others tr...

I swear I am going crazy!.... That is all I had to laugh at myself today..... I think Jesus is playing with my head Why me? Not today...... Jesus.... not today. #AllinFaith

So it is week one of my Jenny Craig... the food is good but mannn I still be hungry. My best friend and I are on a mission though to get healthy and happy and this is the first step in that journey. So far so good.... I have not got on a scale yet but hey I feel better and more energized and I am making a conscious decision to change my life. When we go to Vancouver in March we gone be cute!! We are always on point but you know confidence level will be on 150. Plus we gotta be in shape being that we will be taking the naturistic approach such as bike riding and hiking. Oh yeah.... finally moved and loving my new place... it is purely me... back to being my sanctuary, my place to get away from all the other stuff. On to what this post is truly about. So, I am somewhat back on the dating scene and God I did not realize how being in tune with yourself can open your eyes to everything! the past, present and future. My mother has always told me that it would take a VERY strong and patie...

So I have exceptional taste in music or so I believe.... it ranges from gospel to rap to classical. Check out some of the songs. Meghan Trainor: Like I'm Gonna Lose you ft. John Legend Jonathan McReynolds: No Gray Ciara: Paint It Black Nils Frahm: Me Monica: Before You Walk Out My life J. Moss: Good & Bad Kehlani: Niggas Lawrence Flowers: More Hans Zimmer: Time Tori Kelly: Art of Letting You Go Rihanna: Stay Beyonce: 7/11 Jessie J: Burnin' Up Trey Songz: I Know Meek Mill: Dreams and Nightmares Kirk Franklin: Don't Take Your Joy Away Ying Yang Twins: Get Low Adrian Marcel: 2AM Donnie McClurkin: Just For Me Jhene Aiko: Comfort Inn Kevin Gates: #IDGT Kid Ink: Show Me Boyz II Men: Doin Just Fine Joelle: Wish I Never India Arie: River Rise Casting Crowns: Who Am I Angel: Anita Baker Ryuichi Sakamoto: Bibo no Aozora Destiny's Child: Bad Habit Fantasia: Aint Gon Beg Karina Pasian: Last To Know Boosie: Like A Man Brandon Hines: Yes You Are ...

I have a trillion thoughts running through my mind at any given day unless I become focused on one thing. Tonight is not that kind of night. I have so many questions, so many answers, I need perspective- Just a lil insight into my head. Let me make bonus again this month, 2 days left to pack my life, I am moving, Does God hear me? What is my purpose, time to read purpose driven life, this movie is boring, I miss him, why he texting me and not his new gf, I am happy jealous for him, I want to fall in love, what is my biggest fear, the things that go unsaid are what haunt me, Is he right for me, if not move him around, I know God hears me, I left my burdens at the altar, stop worrying, So much to do so little time, feeling a bit overwhelmed, I always push through, I dont want to be alone, does God laugh at my plans? What will happen in 6mths? Something big I feel it, Evangelism, I loved Billy Graham, I need to get back to loving my bible, was it love I felt or a really strong soul tie,...

Friday Night Brickhouse at the Potters House:  love this place! Pastor Onterio Green is an awesome speaker and man of God. He spoke on "Dropping Your Stones" for his Flawed Series Pt. 2. Referring to the passage where the woman caught in adultery was brought before Jesus to be stoned by the so called church and how we place judgement on persons who differ from us in their walk with Christ or life in general- forgetting to realize that at one time in our life we either were just like them or worse off. If we want to be truthful probably still like them but we want to shed light on their sin to keep our own hidden. Jesus commanded the so called leaders of the church and people to throw their stones first whoever had not sinned and 1 by 1 from eldest to youngest they left... Why? Because we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. So drop your stones today.. #NoJudgement just love Late Night Arts District: Once a month the art district holds an event calle...

Today's sermon is entitled WHY THO?  Many of you may be wondering where I am going with this... Well just stay with me. Not too long ago, it was brought to my attention that a person seems to have an unending issue with me to which they have no sound reasoning. When asked why they feel or think this way about me- the answer is trivial or silence ensues. So, I pondered and prayed upon it and the answer that I got was astounding. God said they are jealous and I asked Why Tho? Jealous of me? I ain't got nothing that they don't have. Then a conversation I had with my mother years ago when I was in middle school came to mind. Backstory being -I have always been sort of a loner- I had my close circle and that was it (No New Friends) Not that I did not want more friends, I just chose them wisely. One day a situation similar to this current one came up, I came home livid- "Mom why is it my name is always being brought up, I do not do anything but mind my own busines...

#TheStruggleIsReal Common enough saying that goes around to stress the dismay you have about a certain situation in your waking life. Frederick Douglas is quoted in saying" Without struggle there can be no progress." Why this choice today... Struggle.... why can we not just coast along and live life? Always some hard road up ahead or hard choice to make. While watching Lost on netflix.... yes I know its like 10 years old but I have never watched it all the way through.... So while watching Lost- the episode where Charlie wants his drugs back from Locke and is having a hard time withdrawing they come across a moth cocoon. Locke explains to Charlie that just like butterflies the moth goes through a similar process. However, the moth is rarely recognized for its efforts- yes the butterfly is beautiful but the moth is faster, stronger, it spins silk and is more resilient. Locke goes on to point out that the small hole in the cocoon is how the moth will get out- but it mus...

In keeping with current events and our recent "Blood Moon" I wanted to write something in relation to the moon and new beginnings and my thoughts and feelings as I looked upon the full moon these past few days. Night time is magical for me- it seems I awaken!  Could just be that I am not a morning person or the fact that I nap daily- but I feel its more than that. I have always enjoyed star gazing and looking into the moon and realizing that although most feel that the day is done ; at night I am reminded and promised that a new day is on its way. Regardless of the circumstances today- tomorrow is on the horizon. Everything around us has an effect on something within us. As a woman I know that our bodies are in sync with phases of the moon in the form of our menstrual cycles- which in turn affects our ability to create new life. New life is refreshing! I have never been this excited to move before... but to think of beginning anew has been the focal point of my tho...

MY TRUTH  So life just ended as I know it.... or so I feel. The finality of it all. Realizing that its really done, over, finito.. What is NEXT? I am not sure but what I do know is I chose me this time. The unselfish, compromising, work with you, patient girl finally said No, for me- it's my turn. Turning the page in this book called life. It took everything in me not to say yes... every thing in me wanted to hold on to what I knew- the good inside you, the laughter, the understanding, the best friend-but I couldn't. Just as in the movie the day after tomorrow... after the storm comes peace... new beginnings. Learning opportunities appear as stages in life. This act is finally finished. I learned a lot about myself and experienced growing pains. It hurts, it really hurts but I have to trust that the day after tomorrow it will all work itself out somehow. So cry today, plan tomorrow and live. Today though...... Today I feel stuck. Today I am in t...

Unfortunately I am the person who can never make a decision right off. I have so many ideas and thoughts running through my head and there is never just one option. Why are there always so many options? There are options for everything and it kind of freaks me out. I am that person standing at the crossroad with basically 3 other directions to go besides the one you came from. Yeah that is where I am in life right now. I want to go everywhere and do everything besides what I have already done. At least going back is not an option and neither is staying where I am... I have to decide on something at sometime. Even the greatest of leaders suffer from indecision. I am afraid that my indecisiveness might lead into inaction which is unacceptable on any front. That is why I impulse decide usually- due to indecisiveness... just make a decision already! Done. So what is it that I cannot make a decision on? Well right now... this living situation of mine. It's time to move from my apa...

So anyone who knows me- just knows if you ever want to see me smile bring me wine! The excitement I get over wine is crazy. Call it what you will, but a glass of wine can excite me, relax me, make me laugh, cry all at the same time. I call wine "Jesus Water" The Lord knew that he would create people like me who would appreciate his efforts of making different types of grapes and putting them to use until the very end. He knew that I would need something to call mine, something that would allow me to suffer through endless dates, calm my spirits, turn up to, collect my thoughts, natural sleep aid and so much more. Wine is everything. I was at my local 24 hr Kroger and stumbled upon a new blend of one of my favorite blends.... introduced to me by him; "Menage a Trois" They have several blends from their Moscato and Chardonnay to their red blends of which they have a dark version known as (Midnight) and now a soft version called (Silk). The anticipation I have ...

"It's Good To Be Queen"- Quote on my favorite coffee mug. But heavy is the head that wears the crown... I don't care! Crown ME! As I sit her sipping my tea while watching some medieval show- it hit me! I am a queen. So this spurred me into one my infamous google searches on the qualities and characteristics of a queen; the expectations and needs of a queen; what does it mean to be queen? Of course there is Queen Elizabeth, Queen Esther,Queen Nefertiti and Queen of Sheba- what did these women possess that others do not.  Aside from royal blood and marriage- they possessed a certain mindset, strength and respect for themselves first, then for the people. Women in general have always been seen as the infererior sex due to our "ambition" as I call it in the Garden. As women we have always wanted more and are able to yield our power over men once we realize how to use it properly. As queens we possess the potential to not only birth a nation but to contro...

I read this article the other day about finding self and purpose "Unbecoming Who You Are and Embracing Your True Self"  It was really interesting and I had a few take aways from it. 1. Realizing that I do not know who I am is the 1st step and then make steps to find that person For the first time in my adult life.... I am single. Like really single, there is no "almost done" relationship or "friends with benefits" or guy I am talking to seriously.  It is just me, myself and I. What do I do when my phone is as dry as the Sahara? 2. I am scared. I realized that I have this overwhelming fear of being alone as well as fear of being vulnerable. I wore a mask of this strong, confident woman covered up by my education and ambition. When in actuality I am a scared woman searching for myself in the midst of lifes distractions. School was my out, my way of becoming "safe" You can not take away my knowledge. Once you know something you cannot unknow...

AH YES, BLACK WOMEN DATING WHITE MEN. WELL, MAYBE I WILL HAVE A LITTLE EXPERIENCE WITH THIS SOONER RATHER THAN LATER. EVE FOUND HER PRINCE CHARMING..... FIRST, I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY DATED OUTSIDE MY RACE, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND EVEN ENTERTAINED CONVERSATIONS ABOUT IT, BUT NEVER FOLLOWED THROUGH BUT WHY NOT? YOU ASK........ IT JUST SEEMED WEIRD, THEY ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT "NORMAL BLACK PEOPLE STUFF." I THOUGHT, AND STILL DO THINK THAT WE WILL NOT HAVE THE SAME INTEREST SUCH AS MUSIC, MOVIES, FOOD AND LIFE IN GENERAL. WILL HE EAT RUDY'S CHICKEN? HOW DOES HE MAKE KOOL-AID? HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO LUTHER VANDROSS IS? ARE HIS PARENTS RACIST? QUESTION I WOULD HATE TO HAVE AN ANSWER TO IF THEY WERE. WITH THE CURRENT SOCIAL CLIMATE... WILL I BE PERCEIVED AS A TRAITOR? I HAVE NEVER CARED WHAT OTHERS THOUGHT OF ME, WON'T START NOW. SO WHY START NOW? WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU EVEN TRY AND DATE A WHITE GUY GIRL? WELL TO ANSWER YOU, WHY NOT? WE SAY WE LOVE LEAR...

I will dive directly into this one. No quote, no pictures to relate to. How well do you know yourself? What are your wants and needs? What are you willing to compromise on? Are you a leader? Are you a listener? What do you believe in? What are your standards? Who affects you? What are your priorities? What makes you, YOU? What is your love language? How do you communicate? What are your flaws in your own eyes? Are you willing to change? What do you want your life to look like? What legacy will you leave behind? What is your plan? Who do you love? What are your fears. These are all questions that you answer through self evaluation. The past few months have been time for me to self evaluate, make some changes, try some new things, make some decisions, walk away from situations, stand on my own, learn life lessons and let my voice be heard. Well, I know myself pretty well now. I know that from now on I cannot compromise my being for temporary satisfaction. I am a wonderful listener....

Update: I completed my 24 hours of solitude- which according to my friends is more than enough time to get over a breakup lol.  Upon completion- I have since ventured into the world of happy hours! Called up one of my sorors headed and headed to Plano. I figured that if I am to meet someone I must get out there. So I did.  Had a good time, not too much pressure on myself and just chilled out, did not try too hard and voila! 2 numbers and a possible date.   This morning while deciding to write this particular blog... I ran across a recent article about dating in dallas. It was quite true and entertaining. We have limited date night options besides eating- there are no beaches, mountains or lush green areas. Since we have to eat- most restaurants offer you the down home, southern fried, BBQ sauce dipped, tex-mex options in very large portions- talk about gaining weight if you are on the dating scene. Not to mention the guy that works in a call center making 15/hr ...

In life, you have to take the pace that love goes. You don't force it. You just don't force love, you don't force falling in love, you don't force being in love - you just become. I don't know how to say that in English, but you just feel it. Juan Pablo Galavis Life is never what you expect it to be. I caught myself this week being the girl I always have been, the hopeless romantic..... Just how hopeless am I? A Walk to Remember, I cry the entire movie- not because she dies- beacause he loves her UNCONDITIONALLY. I cry so hard I get a headache. I digress.  What happened? I had a bad day and I needed a drink, an outlet of some kind. Of course on these type of days none of my friends are ever available. Usually, I just curl up, cry it out, drink wine and eat pizza.  Not this day, I went to Marianos and had a drink by myself and cried a bit lol. Drinks were good and should have been for 11buck a pop! But then, he, my prince charming came to my aid.  He had so man...

The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page. – Saint Augustine The joys of traveling and coming back home. My most recent venture took me to the great lands of Greece and Turkey. It has always been a dream of mine to travel to the places I learn about in history class. To stand where the great philosophers stood, to see the ancient ruins and remember the legends of Zeus, Achilles, Poseidon, Dionysus and the others. It was magical. To see that great city of Athens where history was made, where Paul revealed to the Greeks who Jesus was and the "Unknown God" to view Mars Hill and see the Acropolis. Words cannot express the happiness I felt to be there in that moment.  Visited the islands of Crete,Mykonos, and Santorini. Despite the Economic Crisis going on my experience was one of a lifetime, not to mention Greek men love black women- maybe should go there to get married (another blog for another day *relationships*)The shopping was great and the fo...

What comes to mind when I think of LOVE... well first Diggy Simmons song you're my 4 letter word (Jamming) Love is new for me, not really, but really. I am ready for the all encompassing, all enduring love. Life is not always perfect but I feel that it can and will last forever. We hear so many opinions on what love should look like and how it should feel but it is a personal battle. I want committment, compassion, endurance, faith, hope, knowledge, communication and acceptance. I am so ready to promise my all, to feel as though I am that person- my other half. I know what it is to be in like, to be in lust- but I have never given my ALL to one person. I know myself and I have always held back a portion of myself for fear of failing at love. At 25 I am now ready to hand it all over and say here I am. What keeps me from loving? Fear. Why am I scared? I have no idea. So today, I am jumping head first, maybe feet first- well it does not matter. I am jumping all in- into LOVE. ...

This quote is hanging in my living room right now as a reminder to myself that I am the creator of my own destiny. God gave us choices and it is up to me to decide what I will do with my life. We have so many self help books, dvd's, podcast and everything else that we forget to look within. When we step away from our phones, reality tv, and social media we will then be able to focus on the real that is within us. We lose ourselves to relationships, careers, education and life in general. It is time to start looking within for all that you need without. I once told a friend that she had to find herself outside of all the titles- find herself without being a daughter, sister, mom, friend, girlfriend- who are YOU and you alone? What is life? Who decides? Life is what you make it! We have a saying now that says " oh these shoes are giving me life" or "this food is giving me life." Life for me is trying to live holy, traveling, helping others, making money, havin...

The Problem.... It is hard to let go of something you have had for so long. The saying goes, " If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were." But what time frame is it that we are supposed to stick to and how long do you wait on someone who may not even love you?   I have read over a zillion articles, magazines and blogs in regards to relationships and how to know they love you, what to do to keep a man, how to please him and the list can go on and on..... For some some reason in the back of my mind I keep saying that I will know when it is real. But will I? So many questions that go unanswered, but there comes a point in time that you must realize that you are in this life for yourself- make the most of it.I am learning to accept the things I cannot change and to change those which I can. I cannot continue to wait on a love that only exist half way.  So what is your plan you say? The Plan.... Change the situation....